Today I wanted to share with my readers about the things that motivated me to be here (again). A little bit of recap..
-Circa 2009-
I fell in love with blogging when I was 19. It was 2009 (one freaking decade ago!) and blogging was one of the big internet things that people around the globe went crazy about. It really didn't matter which site powered your blog -- Blogspot/ Wordpress/ Tumblr. And as for me, I was more into Blogspot because of its user friendly interface and nothing much really.. It just happened that I stumbled upon this site first before others. So yeah..
Back then, I used to blurt out every single thought I had about my love life, families, trips, food, classes, friends, tributes and many more. It's good but the theme was all over the place. I really had no clear objectives that I started to treat my blog like my own personal diary/ journal and not to mention setting it for public consumption -- which is a big NO (shaking my head).
It was messy but my soul was well fed whenever I got the chance to write. I was happier, nevertheless. It lasted for two enjoyable years until it stopped because these two emerged -- Twitter and Facebook. I found it more appealing to express my thoughts using 140 characters (or less) or put them in those tiny caption boxes that had nothing to do with the picture attached. I know, LOL (I feel like slapping my old self).
As a normal human being who strongly believes in the Maslow's hierarchy of needs; sense of belonging was also one of the reasons why I quit blogging. When I tweeted or posted lengthy captions, friends/ acquaintances tend to respond to them with these mighty buttons. The like 👍, retweet ⇋ and favourite 🌟 buttons; which are not available here. Those buttons were like this weird form of encouragement that I longed and enjoyed a little too much. I felt like blogging was no longer the 'IT' thing back then (again, please remind me to slap my old self whenever we see her). Yeah, that's why I stopped.
However, I do believe that our true self is here to stay until the day our hair turns grey. We may have changed along the way. We may have now dressed a little better, talked a little wiser and viewed things a little clearer. But there is always one (or in my case, more than one) event(s) that will help to trigger any of our old passions.
-Present day-
I never thought that I'd be here today in the editor's page, again. Now I'm smiling when I see these small letters appearing right before my eyes; forming one word to another, arranging themselves neatly right beside each other, creating stories from one sentence to another and now I am already on my sixth paragraph! Feels. So. Good. Just like the good old times..
So what drove me here? Well, for the past 10 years I've been doing things that are completely out of my context. Let me walk you through.
-Passionate about writing-
I have always loved writing. English was (still is) my favourite high school subject. Right after I graduated high school, I was so excited to read Mass Communication at one of the nation's top public universities but luck was not on my side. I failed the final stage and ended up studying Business at a private university. I know, some of you might ask.. Why didn't I apply to read English Literature, then? Since I scored a solid A for the subject, my chances were well.. higher (?) Newsflash: not a big fan of classic literature. Don't get me wrong, our planet is blessed with great, talented writers and poets but those are not actually what I was looking at. But God is fair, in any way. Although business studies can be quite serious, formal and factual -- I was blessed with tonnes of reading materials, case studies and tutorials that required me to write both creatively and critically. I have written pages of essays for my assignments, my final year projects as well as for my final exams.
Logically, these are a few career examples that I could explore after I finished my degrees -- Freelance writer, Stringer, Story-teller, etc. However, I went on a different path due to one solid reason. Money. I needed to earn more because of my student debt. So at work, I am 70% involved with doing analyses, looking at numbers and cases.. Although my path was a little off, I was still lucky that my supervisor had allowed me to write. I have written decks of business proposals, recommendations, chronological papers, concept ideas, etc.; these tasks have always managed to put me in the zone and put me in weird sitting positions because I was having so much fun doing them. But you see, when I needed to go back to the core of my job.. I often questioned myself -- "Why am I even here?" I honestly didn't care although I had to admit, I was good at it. But I was not able to appreciate things in the office. So something always felt wrong at work -- this has left me unhappy most of the time. Although, the money is good.. I was able to provide my parents, my little siblings, my precious nephew and just last year, I managed to fully-settle my student debt. On. My. Freaking. Own.
Apart from writing, reading has also been a very soul-fulfilling activity for me. The joy of reading is indescribable. You could literally travel to anywhere you want when you read. Heck, you could even travel back in time! I have this weird practice where I will whisper "Thanks" to the author after finishing a damn good story book. The amazing experience flipping through those pages.. I always thought about doing the same thing to my readers too. It's possible. Of course writing a 300 over pages novel seemed a little far-fetched, so that's why I'm starting over. Here, in my own personal space 😊 Once I'm ready, maybe I will go big. Who knows?
As the header speaks, I wanted to write to inspire. I might never get to know who my readers are (except for B 😂) and what they are currently going through. If I have 80 problems in my mind right now, my readers would probably have them too. So here I am, to inspire. I wanted to be more than a writer. It's still in the grey area, but I'll manage. I guess the key takeaway here is that; my old self is struggling, desperately wanting to shine. All these years, I kept on delaying her wishes and made ways for other responsibilities. As I am now at my late 20s, I feel like I shouldn't delay any further. For old times' sake.. Whoa that particular sentence just blew my mind LOL 😂
So I guess, it's not that bad and it's never too late to realise who we really are and what we really need. I hope this piece will help you in finding your true self, it's there 😉
A💋
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